Today on the way to work, I saw a bumpersticker that read, “If only people with closed minds also had closed mouths.” I had an experience this weekend that fit perfectly with that sentiment.
We had a dear friend and her husband in town this weekend to celebrate their impending parenthood, and so we decided to go to a spa to get massages while the boys were at the Husky game. I was super relaxed, enjoying my massage, when my therapist asked (I had shown her my port so that she wouldn’t massage too much in that area) what kind of cancer I had (have). I told her lung, and she said, somewhat flatly, “Oh.” I waited a couple of minutes, and said, “And I didn’t smoke.” Immediately, she said,”Oh that’s just terrible, I can’t believe it, that must be just awful for you. I haven’t ever heard of anyone getting lung cancer if they didn’t smoke — you must have been exposed to a lot of second hand smoke. Did you work in a bar?”
Erg. So then, I felt like I needed to educate her a little bit about the realities of lung cancer, and the fact that no one deserves any sort of cancer, which I did, and that pretty much took up the rest of my massage. Although I appreciated the fact that I got a chance to open someone’s mind….I would have liked to not have done it during what was supposed to be a chance for me to relax, and maybe not think about cancer for an hour…
She was a bull in a china shop. Her and mother earth were quite a pair. You are doing an amazing job raising awareness and making us all a little more humble and lot more informed (although it still blows that you couldn’t put that hat aside for a quick massage)!
Oh, that kind of thing just infuriates me. What if you had been a smoker? You deserved your cancer? There by the grace of god, people…
Dear Melissa – What a painful and poignant story. Could I have your permission to share your story in your words (with credit to you, of course) on my mother’s LC blog? I think the people who read our journal would find it very interesting and educational… http://www.caringbridge.org/sandrajaneshaw.
My mother did smoke for 20years and quit 25 years before her diagnosis. So many people who did not know she had once smoked made comments like “How could Sandi get lung cancer when she is so healthy?!” or “If Sandi could get lung cancer, anyone could!” Well, duh. And thanks for the compassion, cause this really is about YOU not your friend who was just diagnosed with a life threatening illness. Argh, argh, argh. Then there were the respiratory therapists in the hospital who wanted to do a “smoking history” with her two days after surgery to remove the lung abscess that nearly killed her. Willful ignorance abounds in personal and professional circles, alike.
Thank you for sharing your experiences, both positive and painful. Your stories are opportunities to gain comfort, companionship and compassion for those of us who are listening. So glad you’re talking. With much gratitude,
Jennifer