So, the other day, I dug way back into my cd collection, and found the cd I was looking for, and downloaded onto my ipod. The cd is by a group I listened to quite a bit in my early college days (23 years ago, for goodness sakes!), Poi Dog Pondering. They have a great song, called Thanksgiving, which I rediscovered. The lyrics are awesome, and pretty much sum up what I have been feeling, and unable to express for myself as eloquently as they do…

Somehow I find myself far out of line
from the ones I had drawn
Wasn’t the best of paths, you could attest to that,
but I’m keeping on.
Would our paths cross if every great loss
had turned out our gain?
Would our paths cross if the pain it had cost us
was paid in vain?
There was no pot of gold, hardly a rainbow
lighting my way
But I will be true to the red, black and blues
that colored those days.
I owe my soul to each fork in the road,
each misleading sign.
‘Cause even in solitude, no bitter attitude
can dissolve my sweetest find
Thanksgiving for every wrong move that made it right.

I remember that this song used to make me think of relationships, mostly to help me feel better about those “not so great” dating experiences…knowing that each wrong one would bring me closer to the one that was right. 

Now, this song makes me think of the past year and a half. I could be bitter, and sad, and angry, and depressed (and sometimes I do get that way briefly), but what I am really and truly, is grateful. I am in no way saying that I am happy that this cancer decided to mess with me, but I have gotten a lot out of this experience. I have discovered qualities in myself that I didn’t know I possessed, qualities in friends and families that I didn’t know THEY posessed (all good), an ability to pause  in my hectic life and love more deeply and carefully my family and friends, and appreciate this time I have been given to feel good and strong. And that is worth something to me.

I can’t predict what this cancer will do — no one can, but then again, no one can really predict what will happen in life.

All I know, and was reminded of by this song, is that even some things that seem very wrong, can turn out to be something that can enrich our days, however many they are.

Happy Thanksgiving, everyone.