So along with some off and on fatigue, stiffness of the back and arms…I really and truly for the first time in my life..have no appetite.  Especially my Tarceva day and the day after. And since I take it every four days, you might see where I’m going with this.

I’ve lost some weight. And I am not a super heavy person to begin with. I have moved from a very comfortable 134 to 120 (that would be on my scale – on Jack’s scale, as on every doctor’s office scale — it would be from 138 to 124 since their scales are always 4lbs heavier). I don’t exactly hate the new svelte me, but want to get a grip on this before it gets out of hand. I DO know that I have radically cut back on my red wine consumption, which is actually probably one of the biggest calorie losses, but probably one of the best ones for keeping my organs strong and healthy. (It’s actually good for our savings account too!)

The one thing that I can count on to always want is ice cream. And berry smoothies. So today I bought literally one of the largest containers of powdered whey protein that I could find, some flax seeds, and spinach. Smoothie land, here I come. I’m hoping it will be just like when I was pregnant with Lucie — a smoothie (pint sized) a day — added a whopping 47 lbs in just nine short months. Okay, so a little was Lucie, 7lbs 11oz to be precise.

I remember when I started on this cancer journey. I read a little pamphlet about food and nutrition for cancer patients undergoing treatment — it referenced ways to combat the lack of appetite — one of the things I found hilarious, and told all my friends about — was making sure that your friends and family didn’t pressure you about food, as that could cause anxiety, and diminish the appetite further. What in the world?! That could never happen to me, right? Uh, wrong. Right now, if someone mentions that I REALLY need to eat more, that I haven’t TOUCHED my lunch, I pretty much shut down. Or if the portion is too big, or if someone else’s plate has too much food on it…I am starting to have some newfound empathy for people with eating disorders. I am sensitive to it all right now — smell, texture, quantity, temperature, time of day…even the fact that I am having these issues gives me less appetite.

But only certain days are like this. Other days, like a couple of days ago, my friend Laya in Orange County (of the Persian magic fame and whose mother, coincidentally, is also taking Tarceva for lc) sent me a recipe for roasted peaches with cinnamon and vanilla yogurt. Okay, gimme some shortcake and those, and I am pretty sure I will pack on a couple of pounds in a hurry!